Never forgotten
by Kc495
Summary: I just sit here. Teary eyed. Listening to the thunder roar up over-head. . My gaze still fixed on the words in front of me. Engraved on stone so beautifully. . My voice chokes as I mumble something under my breath. Looking at it with a heavy heart, and a sad soul. . .Haruhi's dead, And its all my fault... (Based on the song, 'Last kiss' by Jam pearl ) *No lyrics*


_** ~ N**_**ever forgotten ~**

* * *

It's not raining. I mean it is sort of, but not raging. It's only a light drizzle. . I guess the sky wanted to get its two cents in on the crying. Its dark. Not enough so that you couldn't see anything, but it still manage to be quite a depressing color. The clouds were purple, so with the sky being a dark blue everything around and beneath it would evidently be dark and saddening as well. Makes sense.

Just why though?

Why did it have to pick today to be like this? It doesn't help in the slightest.. I suppose nothing could to be honest. Nothing could make this event any less painful, any less miserable... I wish this all just a bad dream. A dream I wish that could just end all ready.. I know it wont though. Its real, and just praying for it not to be wont work... I've already tried.

Haruhi's dead, and I can't change that. . . Not my tears... Not anything.

I'm not the only one here. Everyone else is too. . Tono, Kyouya, Mori senpai, Hunny senpai, Kaoru, and even Ranka. Though it must be obvious why he's here.. His one and only daughter died. . She was officially announced dead this morning. Taken off life support just after three days. Doesn't seem long to me.. It just wasn't working. They couldn't save her.

They had to let her go.

We had to let her go.

I had to let her go...

Dropping to me knees on the soft green 'wet' grass that surrounded her grave. I can't hold back anymore tears. Not that I've tried to. I've ben crying practically ever since it happened. Why not? It was my fault anyway. It would only be natural that I feel the most guilt, and sorrow. Kaoru's ben telling me, scolding me. That is wasn't my fault, and that I couldn't possibly have known it was going to happen. . . I should have though. Its be raining all week-long how the hell could I have just let it slip from my mind?

She was my... No. She's still my girlfriend. I wont let anyone tell me other wise. . She may not be here with us physically, but she's still here with us... Somehow. I can feel her.. I refuse it accept that she wont come back. Or I wont wake up from this god awful nightmare. It has to be a nightmare. There's no way she can be gone. Not totally... Please. I just need someone to tell me she's coming back.

She's ben spending too much time with me and Kaoru. She has to just be playing a trick on me. . I'm still waiting for her to jump out from behind that tree over there. Yelling. "_Surprise Hikaru~! I'm not really dead, I didn't die. I'm still here...With you_." . . .

She's not doing it though. I guess she's just embarrassed. There's so many people here for the funeral that maybe she's just waiting till everyone leaves. Then she'll come out, and we can be together again.

I still feel her. I was the last person she talked to. Of course. Why wouldn't I be? I was there. I was the stupid asshole who interrupted her afternoon studies just because I was bored. It had just gotten through raining that day. I never took it to consideration that something might happen...

I took her down the steps of her apartment. I led her down the side-walk of her street. I took her to the park. All because why? Because I was bored? Kaoru had to finish up his homework he forgot to do the night before since I was being stupid and needed him help with mine.

Schools not important. I hate it ... She liked school though. She liked getting smarter. Learning something new everyday. She liked going to the supermarket on Sundays in the morning. Picking up her favorite food that always seemed to be on sale. Strawberries. God she loved strawberries. She had never got to taste fancy tuna though... I took all that away from her. Because I was bored and wanted her attention. . .

I'm such a horrible human being... Why wasn't I the one who got hit? Why'd it have to be her? Why does god hate me?

We were at the park. At least an hour before the rain started to come down again... She asked to go home. I took her. Though we didn't get to far down the road before we reached that small part of town with the little cross-road... A driver was apparently in a hurry and wanted to get where he was going quickly... To quickly.. The roads where slick and he supposedly lost control of the car. Causing him to swerve off on to the sidewalk. . I was looking the other way, and hadn't noticed that I left her a few paces behind... To far behind.

The rain was pouring at that point. All I could hear the sound of the water slashing, Going to war with the pavement. . It wasn't until I hear the painful screeching of the tires. That I turned around. . Just in time to see the car's bright, blinding headlights through the fog of the rain. They came closer, and closer. I didn't move. I didn't think I could. Though I was just far enough that I didn't need to worry about getting hit... That apparently was my only concern at the time.

I didn't think to yell? for her to get out-of-the-way? It didn't exactly happen in a blink of an eye. There were stages if I must say. . I could have ran over to her. Pulling us both out-of-the-way... Or at the very least jumped in front of her, shoved her away from the terrible monster everyone calls a motorized vehicle, but no... I stood in my place. I think I remember opening my mouth. To scream I hope. I'm not sure though. .

I watched in horror as it came even closer. I heard more screeching. More Rain pounding. . Though the rain wasn't loud enough to muffle the high pitch scream that came from it all.. I pressed my eyes shut tight. As that one scream filled the air around me and everything else. . . . After that.

The car collided with the electric fence a few feet off away from the sidewalk. Killing the driver in the process.

crashing into something before that. Taking her with it. . . Killing my Haruhi.

While she wasn't necessarily dead right then. She just might as well have ben. . . After all that I finally opened my eyes. She wasn't there. I freaked out and my insides died and I probably would have passed out from the absolute horror of it all.. I was really surprised that I had it in myself to run to the other side of the jumble of metal and piles of shattered glass to find her.

I found her on the ground. Laying there completely motionless. . I remember running over to her. Kneeling down next to her side. I do for a fact remember sobbing. I was terrified. I kept saying her name over and over again. _"H-Haruhi!?...Are you okay!? Hey Haruhi...?"_

I can't forgive myself. . I just stood there watching it all happen. I remember her saying something softly. Through her awful chokes of pain. .

_"H-...Hikaru...I-...I can't feel anything." . ._

I remember trying to have a conversation with her. I was afraid her eyes would close and I wouldn't see them ever again...

_"It's okay Haruhi... J-Just keep looking at me, keep talking.. Okay? Your going to be okay."_

I lied to her... Holding on to her desperately... literally for dear life. I was choking on my terrified sobs. Even then I had images of her dying. Though then I thought that of course she's going to make it. Lots of people do. Then again though. . . . Lots of people don't, and she was one of them.

_"Hikaru... It... It hurts too much to breathe."_

"_I know_ _Haruhi... Just... Hang on Okay?... I promise your going to be okay... Just, god. Please don't stop talking."_

_"I-...I can't feel your arms around me... Is that... Is that normal?"_

I was always terrible at making, and keeping promises. . .

_"Yeah... Sure it is Haruhi... Your Okay... I can't feel you either... See?"_

I brought her up closer to my chest. . I could feel her heart, and my heart beat rapidly in-sync. She left alive enough. Her breathing was rugged and hoarse. Surprisingly though. She wasn't crying. Not then anyway. I'm pretty sure she was in a lot of pain. Even though she couldn't feel anything. Or maybe she wasn't in pain. Maybe that's why she wasn't crying...

My teeth were chattering and my chin quivered. I remember leaning me forehead down on hers. At that point in time I had already started to blame myself. I had let her get in harm's way, and I'm the one who was supposed to protect her.. I was foolish. I always use to think me doing stupid things weren't hurting anybody. Only me self. . . Well...Who's dead now?... Exactly.

By being foolish I had killed one of the two of my best friends in the whole world. . I Killed my girlfriend... The love of my life. All because I was scared? what a sorry excuse...

My breaths were in messy clumps. I could hear the sirens off in the far distance. I couldn't tell if her grip on me was tightening or if it was the other way around. . I held her head with one hand while my other was behind her back keeping her from going anywhere. I was trying to keep her from hurting herself more. . I couldn't see anything majorly wrong with her. Just some minor scratches. You can't die from that.

_"Hikaru...?"_

If only I knew what was really wrong...

_"...Yeah Haruhi... W-What's wrong?" _

I feel sick now.

_"I-... Every things so blurry... I can't see straight." _

I think I may puke.

_"No... It's Okay Haruhi, You hear that? That's help Haruhi... They'll help you. Don't worry." _

I kept saying her name. I Kept telling her it was going to be okay.. That she was going to be okay. I was wrong. I lied to her again. I really don't think I can stand here in front of her grave anymore. I feel worthless. I'm a coward. I'm a Completely and utterly disappointment to the human kind. . Not like her at all.

It was wrong for her to go. She wasn't suppose to. . . I hate god... I hate god so much. I will never forgive him for this. I- I hate myself.  
Why?. . .. Why dammit! why'd it have to be her!? why couldn't it have ben me?! I would have gladly taken her place if it meant she could live again. Breathe again... Feel things again. . . Why? . . . Just why?

_"Hikaru... I'm scared."_

_"That's fine... Sweetheart... I-...I gotch you... Your -...Your going to be okay."_

Once the ambulance got there, and they got us into the huge car, and took us to the hospital. The driver had already died half way to it. . Haruhi was still hanging on though. They laid her on that bed thing that was there in the car. I'm not really sure if it had a proper name or not, and quite frankly I didn't give a damn. . Haruhi was holding on tight to my hand, and that's all I was worried about.

We got to the hospital not long after. . She had gone unconscious a few times but managed to stay strong. Not like me one bit. I was crying every time she passed out, I didn't want her to hear me. . I was rubbing her arm, comforting her when ever she was awake. Apparently me cooning was enough to keep her calm at those times I though she would.

Ranka Got there, and everyone else did too. . Later that night though. I can still hear the doctors telling me "Haruhi stopped breathing, and now has to be put on life support." . . I completely broke down by then. In fact. I'm pretty sure everyone did. . A bunch of our customers even came down to see her. Of course we had to tell them Haruhi was really a girl when they saw her.

I remember that last things she said to me before they put her on life support.

_"Hikaru... Your okay right?... I'm sorry... You don't have to be here."_

_"I'm right here Haruhi. I'm not going anywhere. I'm staying right here with you... Till you get better."_

_"I might not get better-"_

_"Don't say things like that Haruhi! Your fine... You'll make it through this." _

Then she started crying. . Which was weird, and so god damn heart breaking. I've never seen she cry like that before.

_"Hey... Don't cry... I'm here Haruhi, Its going to be alright I promise... I wont let anything else happen to you okay?"_

_. . . . _ After life support for three nights and almost four days. Haruhi died... I let her slip right through my fingers. I broke another promise. I let her die. . I told her I wouldn't let anything happen to her. Well Hikaru... Where is she now?... That's right. You killed her.

"Hika-...Hikaru. come on get up... Your soaked lets go inside... You can come back out when the rain stops." Kaoru assures me. He walked up from behind and placed his hand on my quivering shoulder. Its cold. I agree. The rains making it a bit chilly, but I refuse to leave. I'm not going.

"I'm not leaving Haruhi out here by herself. She hasn't ben gone that long... Or have you forgotten already?" I hiss angrily back at him. I don't move my gaze away from her. Though I can tell everyone else went inside the funeral home already. I don't hear them. Even Ranka left. . I don't blame them. Its cold, wet, and dark. I really don't give a damn if there here or not unfortunately. I refuse to leave Haruhi alone right now. . . I hear a low rumble of thunder off in the distance.

"Hikaru.." He starts to say something to me again. He's my dear twin brother but I try to ignore him. I love him but I don't care to hear what he plans on letting out of his mouth right now. . "...Haruhi's Not here anymore Hika. The thunder can't hurt her anymore. You know that right?..." He says softly. I can tell he wants to comfort me, but isn't really sure how to.

"Shut up... D-don't say that." I choke. I can feel the tears slowly make their way back down my cheeks again. Not that, that is anything new. I've ben crying ever since I got here. . "She-... She's not really gone Kaoru... Please tell me she's not." I begin to sob. I don't feel the least bit embarrassed letting loose in front of him. He understands. It's just as hard on him as it is on me.

"...Hikaru." He whispers softly. His voice strains. I hear sadness in his throat. He's probably ready to cry too. . I ignore that though. I'm to worried looking at the words in front of me. . "As much as we all want her back Hikaru... I'm sorry but. She's really gone this time."

"N-no... She can't I-... I'm not leaving her here alone. I promised her I'd always be there for her... And she cries when it-"

"Hikaru." He says to me. His voice lost its sadness and is now just firm and hard. "Haruhi can't hear the thunder anymore. She can't be afraid of it... I know your upset, we all are, but your going to catch a cold if your out here any longer. She'll be right here when you come back." . . . I know he's right, but no... Just... No.

"Kaoru... Just leave me alone."

"Hikaru..."

"Haruhi's dead dammit! and its all my fault! You think I care about catching a damn cold!?" I cry. I don't like getting fussy with my baby brother. He's the only one I have left in this world. . "I know she's gone!... Just please... Leave me alone." . . I promptly collapse on to the grass. The knees of my jeans are getting even more gross and wet.

"Hikaru...Its not your fault and you know it... It Just happened."

I cry harder sobs. Gripping harshly on to the green grass. Forcefully pulling it out slowly between my fingers. "Yes... Yes it is. It's all my fault That Haruhi's dead now. A crappy cold isn't nearly as bad as what she had to go through... So don't even."

"She wouldn't want you talking to yourself like that."

"Shut the hell up! She can't tell me how to talk to myself... Kaoru. She's dead. All because of my own stupid selfish desires." I snap. He's worried about me but all I continue to do is yell at him. I can't control it. I'm sure he doesn't blame me though.

"Alight fine Hika... I'll leave you alone." Kaoru sighs. His voice still sounds a bit irritated. . Maybe I should go inside soon. The sky looks like it darkened in the last five minutes. Its getting worse and i hear the thunder a bit louder now. . . No. That's only the more reason i need to stay out here with her. Tono said she may not be with us, and we can't feel her or see her. But she's still with us up in heaven. She's watching us all right now. . .

Well if she's up there than she's just that much closer to the thunder then before.. If there is a heaven then I know she's up there. . She'll be crying up there just the same as she would when she was down here alive. . . "Come inside when your ready okay?" He continues. I thought he was finished earlier but I guess now he is. Sense he stood up, patted my shoulder. Then walks away.

I just sit here. Teary eyed. Listening to the thunder roar up over-head. . My gaze still fixed on the words in front of me. Engraved on stone so beautifully. . My voice chokes as I mumble something under my breath. Looking at it with a heavy heart, and a sad soul.

_ ~~~~ ~*~ Fujioka Haruhi. ~ * ~ ~~~~_

_A daughter. A best friend, and a girlfriend.  
__May you live on in our hearts forever. _

"I'm sorry Haruhi... It's okay though. I'm here. I wont let it hurt you... I promise... I'll always be here."

I love you so much Haruhi. . . I'll never forget you... I won't let anyone forget.


End file.
